


where does it begin

by rikli



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:15:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4514601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rikli/pseuds/rikli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>where does it begin<br/>when you love somebody?</p>
            </blockquote>





	where does it begin

It wasn't exactly that Hakyeon was tired.

Everyone had their schedules, and even when they didn't, they spent their free time in the studio, practising or composing.

Hakyeon's body was strong enough to endure the extra schedules. He was too focused on pushing their band forward to think about the ache in his bones as anything other than a job well done.

Yet, something wouldn't let him be at ease.

As he was lying in his bed, his mind drifted to the figure on the other side of the room. Taekwoon was sleeping on his back, with his lips slightly parted. He was barely covered - it was the heat season, the fan put between their beds only dispelling the stuffy summer air. Hakyeon remembered last year, when they'd had to perform in the thick suits for half of the summer. He still had almost as many schedules as back then, but at least now he didn't have to wear a suit.

Hakyeon wondered how Taekwoon was doing these days. Sometimes, they exchanged messages via kakaotalk, but they always were vague, not able to replace the quiet talks they usually shared. Hakyeon missed them, he missed his best friend. Even for a simple message, he was always too busy, or too tired.

That feeling of longing was even stronger than the one of pride. Taekwoon had grown as a person, changed since that time they had debuted three years ago. He had came out of his shell. Not fully - he still carried it around, ready to bolt inside at any given occasion.  
 

Hakyeon found it hard to believe how things had changed over three years. It was easy to remember how shy Taekwoon had been. He still was, there's no denying of that, but he had gotten better in front of the cameras. All Hakyeon's pushing and prodding had paid off. He talked more and smiled more, and it made Hakyeon so happy.

Not only that. Taekwoon had started to rely on other members more. He was willing to show his affection more, and his playful side too.

Wonsik had become the second person after Hakyeon he would go for advice. Composing had been always their thing, but Taekwoon had stopped fearing to ask for an opinion. It had progressed from there, into something comfortable and easy. Instead of Wonsik guessing Taekwoon's moods, he was finally able to know them, to hear the words Taekwoon really meant to speak.

Taekwoon get more comfortable with Jaehwan's jokes, too. He couldn't understand all of them, nobody could, but he smiled at them more, tried to respond verbally. They sang more for fun, they talked about their musicals, gave each other advice. They trusted each other more now.

The more comfortable Sanghyuk and Hongbin had gotten around Taekwoon, the more they teased him. And so Taekwoon had gotten used to that, let himself be more playful with them and treated them like friends, not someone he had to discipline. They still took Taekwoon's orders seriously, especially when Hakyeon was away. It's not a matter of seniority, they said, it's because of friendship, and trust.

Hakyeon knew attraction wasn't the same thing as love. He was sure he could be attracted to men, but grow to love a woman one day. What he had never expected was falling in love with a man, without the attraction, without the sexual urge he had only ever felt with a few people. It had never occurred to him it was exactly what he felt for Taekwoon all along- the steady, unhurried stream of affection. Love. It had never come across Hakyeon's mind to pursue it, simply because Taekwoon had always been there, within his reach. They were close, closer than Wonsik and Hongbin. They shared their personal space with each other without any restraints.

Hakyeon had felt the pull before. When they earned themselves a short vacation, finally able to visit their homes for longer than few hours, he had felt it. He had been happy to visit his parents, meet his siblings and their spring-offs, but he had missed his members, especially Taekwoon. Messaging and calling each other back then hadn't been that difficult, and it had been more than satisfactory. Then, Hakyeon's schedule became so hectic he started to see Taekwoon less and less, and that's when it had hit him.

As Hakyeon refocused his vision, looking over at Taekwoon's sleeping form once again, his heart leapt inside his chest. Was it how being in love felt for everyone? Your body out of control, heart beating faster, a shiver running all over your skin, and your thoughts in disarray.

Taekwoon shifted on the bed, the thin blanket completely falling off his body, down to the floor. Hakyeon's heart made another somersault, this time in fear of Taekwoon waking up; he would get mad every time he caught Hakyeon awake in the middle of the night. Instead of risking it to happen, Hakyeon got off the bed and approached Taekwoon's to wake him up. He brushed his fringe, damp with sweat, off his forehead.

"Taekwoonie," he murmured, gently squeezing Taekwoon's shoulder.

Taekwoon groaned as he slowly woke up. He blinked tiredly, eyes unfocused, his hand catching Hakyeon wrist. "Mm?"

Hakyeon smiled, suppressing an urge to lean in and kiss Taekwoon's adorably scrunched face. He really wished he could.

"Go for a walk with me," Hakyeon said, pulling at Taekwoon to get up.

Taekwoon whined, "you're insane," but got up, pushing Hakyeon's hands away.

Throwing on some shorts, they didn't even bother with changing their tank-tops; it was as hot outside as in their dorm. With puffy eyes and tousled hair they slipped out of the building. Somehow, Hakyeon had gotten used to their new neighborhood, but he missed their old one, with the playground right outside, and a convenience store open all night just around the corner.

They went further into the residential area, away from the busy streets. Strolling between the buildings, with all the people asleep in their apartments, was convenient. It was peaceful there, and safe to wander around, even until dawn.

"You came back in one piece," Taekwoon said with a smile when they sat right on the pavement, still warm from the unrelenting sun.

"Yah!" Hakyeon yelled, but he was smiling, too. "Like you can get rid of me that easily."

Both of them laughed as Hakyeon told stories of amusing things that happened while he'd been filming his variety. They were still laughing when they got back to the dorm, shushing each other half-heartedly.

The fan had been turned off, and Hakyeon huffed when they entered their room. That was enough for Taekwoon to drag Hakyeon back to the living room. Somehow, it was cooler there, and they flopped right onto the floor.

The silence between them was comfortable, but the question nagged at him. He looked at Taekwoon across the floor; his hair was getting long again.

Taking a calming breath, he asked, "these past three years, have you ever fallen in love?"

Hakyeon wasn't looking at Taekwoon anymore, too embarrassed, but he felt his friend's eyes on him. It could have been a joke, Taekwoon might feel like it was, because even though Hakyeon had toned down with the amount of teasing, he had never stopped. Hakyeon was serious, though. There were no muffled giggles, the air between them floating in lukewarm waves.

"No," Taekwoon finally replied. Hakyeon's heart sunk. "Maybe." Hakyeon fought with the need to turn his head and see the expression Taekwoon was wearing. He was happy he hadn't when Taekwoon asked, "what about you?"

Hakyeon closed his eyes. The question didn't startle him as much as he had thought it would. It was only fair he had to give an answer of his own.

"Once," Hakyeon said. Neither of them had moved an inch, Taekwoon stayed silent. "Right now."

Looking at the ceiling, Hakyeon caught the movement to his right, along with the sound of it. He was sure Taekwoon was now looking right at him.

"You've never told me," he said, without a bite; Taekwoon wasn't upset.

"It's... new." Hakyeon laughed. How ridiculous this situation was. "Or maybe it's been here all along."

It might have been true. The realization hit him with the force of a thousand galloping horses, but it must had been growing in him all this time.

Taekwoon hummed, in understanding of some sort, and kept his eyes on Hakyeon - Hakyeon could feel it. He didn't say anything more, didn't inquire for more details.

They fell asleep right there, on the hard floor, and slept until their members shook them awake in the morning.

 

 

The heat didn't relent for the next few days. They were going to be busy soon, so before their lives began to remind a rollercoaster again, they decided to have some fun.

Convincing their manager was easy - they bought enough soju to share with him. Their aim wasn't to get drunk; it was to feel young, as they truly were, and a bit reckless. It was supposed to be a good bonding experience, too.

But it was hot, and they were forbidden to use air conditioning because of their health. With their overused from practice throats it would be easy to get sick.

Only the fan was on, but they were still sweating, both from the heat and the alcohol. They fooled around, joked to no end, and ate all the snacks; the manager had been long asleep. The responsible thing to do was to send them all to sleep relatively early. Hakyeon was too aware of the leader's responsibilities, even if he was positively buzzed.

Taekwoon only took a few sips of the alcohol, remembering how easily he got drunk. It brought a flush to his cheeks nonetheless, and he had never stopped smiling through the evening.

Hakyeon was jealous. He was jealous, because Taekwoon didn't seem to need him as much as before. Hakyeon needed to prompt him less and less with every passing day. Sure, he still needed Hakyeon, or the others, at times, but for how much longer? The day none of them would have to speak for Taekwoon was going to come sooner or later. And as much as Hakyeon was sure it didn't mean the end of their friendship, he knew for sure it meant an end of something between them. Something that had allowed Hakyeon to be close to Taekwoon more than the others.

Hakyeon was scared it meant the special bond they had built over the years would be gone.

It's said that the alcohol can make you either a bit happier or very sad. Hakyeon didn't mean it to end with the latter.

Taekwoon was face first on his bed, sighing against the pillow. With the alcohol in his veins, Hakyeon thoughts raced faster than usual. He didn't even mean to say anything out loud, but the words slipped out, Hakyeon's mind too dizzy to filter them out.

"It's been you all along."

Once again Hakyeon was staring at the ceiling; for a very long moment Taekwoon didn't react. Only when Taekwoon answered, Hakyeon tensed up, nervous as if he was about to go through an audition again, or maybe even more.

"That's what I thought," he mumbled, face still pressed into the pillow.

Hakyeon slid down to the floor, sitting with his back against the bed. "Taekwoon," he said, and it sounded too loud in Hakyeon's ears. "Taekwoon." This time he whispered.

Taekwoon turned his head, his opened eyes visible even in the darkness enveloping the room. They gleamed, and Hakyeon wondered if there was a chance Taekwoon was sober now.

"You've been my maybe for a while," he said in a tiny voice, the words a bit muffled. He tried to get up, but ended up on the floor, a mere meters away from Hakyeon.

"Are you drunk?"

Taekwoon laughed; it was breathy and short. It sounded pretty to Hakyeon. Just as Taekwoon's eyes when they finally met Hakyeon's.

"Enough to tell you this much," Taekwoon replied. The look on his face was unreadable; he just stared at Hakyeon, the gaze boring into him and making him nervous.

Hakyeon looked at Taekwoon, not only his face, but at all of his body. He seemed relaxed, except of his hands- he was fiddling with his fingers, playing with the hem of his top. It was too hot to wear Taekwoon's favorite long sleeves, and the memory of his long fingers peeking from underneath them filled Hakyeon with warmth, bringing a smile to his face. Taekwoon had no idea how cute he could get, and Hakyeon felt the urge to tell him, right in that moment.

"You're so cute," Hakyeon blurted out, and when his eyes got back to Taekwoon's, they were already covered with his forearms. Embarrassed, he told Hakyeon to stop, but just beneath his hand, there was a smile stretched over his lips.

A laugh bubbled up in Hakyeon's throat, and he let it out, forgetting about the others trying to sleep in other rooms. He kept laughing even when Taekwoon told him to shut up, and he stumbled on his knees to Taekwoon's side. Taekwoon didn't avert his eyes when Hakyeon removed his arms from his face.

"Hey," Hakyeon whispered. "Are you drunk?"

The question had been already asked, but Hakyeon wanted to be sure, if Taekwoon was serious. He was easily drunk, but he hadn't drank even half of a bottle, and he looked focused and alert. He didn't try to free his hand from the grip Hakyeon still had on him, and he shook his head.

Hakyeon licked his lips. "Is your maybe," _am I_ , "more of a yes," _please_ , "or no?"

Taekwoon shifted closer, and his thigh touched Hakyeon's knee. Suddenly even just that felt like much more than a simple touch. Hakyeon moved his hand up to Taekwoon's shoulder, his fingertips never leaving Taekwoon's skin. He grazed his collarbone with his thumb, testing the waters. Taekwoon shifted again, this time away from Hakyeon, and his finger froze, along with his heart.

"It's too hot to make out," Taekwoon said, his words slurred from embarrassment.

Hakyeon's heart thumped in his chest, once, twice, and the relief was so big it almost hurt. He found himself laughing out loud once again, and this time someone from the next room - probably Hongbin - banged on the wall. Taekwoon was shaking with laughter too when Hakyeon stooped down trying to stifle it, and pressed his forehead against Taekwoon's side.

After calming himself down, Hakyeon flopped next to Taekwoon onto the floor. They were both catching their breaths, wiping the sweat from their temples; they had forgotten to bring the fan back into their room. Without hearing a precise answer, Hakyeon drifted to sleep. He knew what Taekwoon had meant. He knew, because right before he fell asleep, he could have sworn he felt Taekwoon's fingers carefully wrapping around his.

 

 

Hakyeon was sure Taekwoon's answer had been "yes", because after their manager kicked them awake the next morning, it wasn't too hot for Taekwoon to press against Hakyeon for a second or two, and to kiss the corner of his lips, "good morning".

This was enough to stop Hakyeon from worrying about them drifting apart. One day, Taekwoon might be able to leave his shell for good, or maybe he won't ever do it. Hakyeon was going to be there either way.


End file.
